The sheep requires a firmware update.

The sheep stopped eating on Tuesday.

I called support. They asked whether I’d tried turning it off and on again. I told them the neighbors were watching.

Apparently the new update improves grazing realism. It also introduces a subscription.

I asked what happens if I don’t renew.

“Your sheep will continue to function,” she said, “with reduced authenticity.”

I already have that arrangement with my employer.

The update took forty minutes. I stood on the roof with a bucket of feed and pretended this was normal animal husbandry. The neighbor waved. I waved back with the hand that wasn’t holding the charging cable.

It’s eating again. I stayed a while to make sure.